23/01/2021 – Listening to Taylor Swift’s the lakes.
I once used Calm. I used to use Headspace too. Now I’m using Riliv, simply because it’s more affordable than the other two and it is in Indonesian.
When I was using Calm, I mainly meditated in the morning, just right after waking up. I would open my eyes, reach out for my phone, and open the app. Each meditation session took less than fifteen minutes. After weeks doing this routine, I realized that meditating in the morning when you’re living with four other people was not a good idea. At least not for me. It was too hectic. I had to wake up at 3 am if I wanted to find some peaceful moments. I also tended to fall back to sleep after meditating, which was terrible for my 8 am classes. So I switched to afternoon meditation. At the same time, I switched to Headspace.
Headspace was cute. I prefer Calm’s narrator’s voice, but Headspace worked too. At least for some time. Afternoon meditation meant I sneaked out after eating lunch to the lake near my college’s library. I would sit under a big tree’s shadow, a bit farther from other people who spent lunch break conversing with friends. Afternoon meditation meant I was trying to de-stress. Trying to regain my balance back. I stopped doing this routine after a while because I realized that I was not spending enough time with my friends, since I was too lazy to come back to where they were when I was already comfortable sitting near the lake.
During this pandemic, I use Riliv. Since the meditation guide is in Indonesian, I don’t need to try too hard on listening. With Calm and Headspace, there were times when I was not sure what the narrator was saying. With Riliv, understanding comes easily. I begin to meditate after finish journaling in the night, right before bedtime. It helps me with insomnia and anxiety. It is also more convenient since I know I can meditate for however long I want to.
My meditation habit comes from a long time of trial and error. Trying to figure out the perfect style, the perfect medium, the perfect duration, the perfect time, even the perfect language. Each trial and error is helpful. It gives me clarity on what I truly need. For now, what I need are a way to de-stress, coping with anxiety, and dealing with insomnia. Some people might use meditation for different purpose, in a different way. It might feels different too for each of them. They might not even need meditation at all. The important thing is to experiment, trying to find out whether it is working or not, why, and how to deal with it.