49 Days Journal Challenge – Day 6

Sragen. 30.05.2020.

15.25. Listening to DAY6’s Breaking Down.

I’m getting anxious again, and it’s not yet Sunday. I just spent thirty minutes on planning next week’s to-do list, feeling like I was ready to cry anytime. The funny (and ironic) thing is that I don’t have much to do next week. I only have two classes left–one has final paper’s deadline on Wednesday, and the other will probably hold last meeting on Tuesday. Just. Two. Classes. Left.

And even the thought of that doesn’t help my anxiety.

I took off my earrings–which I never did–because my right ear has been hurting for weeks now. It’s red and swollen. I have headache too. Is it dehydration again? I hate when one joyful week passed on to one depressing week. It’s like my happiness never lasts more than a week. Or maybe I’m just being dramatic. I don’t know. I don’t want to do anything after this. There are people outside. Guests. Sounds important. Talking in serious tone. Adults. Sounds familiar, probably neighbours. Oh, no–family. I want to sleep. I want to turn off the lamp and play some depressing music. Comforting ones. Something that will help me to cry. Isn’t it funny how I even need external help to cry?

Headache. My ear still hurts. I don’t want to face Sunday. Can’t it be forever Saturday? I want it to rain. Please rain.

Can’t you keep being brave? Is it so hard to find happiness in small things?

I hope you have a better night than me.

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