49 Days Journal Challenge – Day 1

Sragen, 25.05.2020.

Listening to KYUHYUN’s “All Day Long”.

Would it be weird to begin with a good night? It’s 21:17 right now where I live. Outside, it’s dark. The rain has stopped. There are still some vehicles passing by, though restaurants near my house have closed their doors and turned off their lamps.

This idea of writing a journal entry came suddenly, like an afterthought. If you knew me though, you wouldn’t be so surprised. My main reason of starting a blog is always to write an entry like this. As time passes by and I get older, I become afraid. In a world where everything seems to be measured by success and productivity, I feel like it would be a waste of time to create a blog like this. I have school. I have club and organizations. I have a future I need to be worried about. Writing something like this feels useless, somehow. Unworthy. So I turned my face away and tried to do something “productive”. Analyzing books and movies, collecting helpful quotes, building a universe through stories.

I have to admit that they were a distraction from what I truly wanted to do. There were times when I loved sharing my thoughts about a book I love or a movie I enjoy, or when I felt inspired and wanted to inspire other people by collecting motivating quotes and encouraging songs. But this, a freeform journal entry, an unstructured blog post–this is what I actually love the most. I am afraid to share too much of myself to you, but I am also desperate to get my thoughts out there–no matter how meaningless they are.

I wonder whether there will be people who enjoy reading this kind of thing. But as self-absorbed as it sounds, I do enjoy reading my own writing.

Thus this is a beginning. I may not be able to make other people happy, but I owe myself to at least create a happy and fulfilling life of my own.

So let’s wrap up with another good night. Look up–there might be a firefly hovering above you, waiting for you to notice their shine.

Good night. Be brave. Be happy.

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